I found myself reading an article recently called “super shrinks.” The premise of the article was to illuminate what separated the highly successful therapists from their less helpful counterparts. I was surprised to find out that there were only two defining characteristics:

1. The ability to connect with their clients

2. The ability to receive, and apply, constructive feedback

As a therapist, I have spent countless hours honing my style of practice, researching and investigating different modalities, furthering my studies, and applying lived and gained experience in the therapeutic environment. I had too believed, like so many do, that experience in the job would lead to the greatest results; and that some modalities were more efficacious than others. It makes sense, right? We would assume someone who has been working as an engineer for forty years, with multiple degrees in different fields of engineering, would be more knowledgeable and effective at solving a technical problem than an engineering graduate would be. So why not the same for therapists?

It’s because therapy is a different skill all together. We could visit a psychiatrist, who has studied for over 10 years and has multiple medical degrees, to talk about our depression and discuss medical options yet find them too clinical. We could visit a psychologist who has an expert knowledge of the brain yet find them too scientific. We could visit a counsellor with forty years of experience in the field of trauma yet find them too abstract. We then might stumble upon a graduate social worker who just gets us, and we’ve found the perfect person to help us navigate life’s myriad problems. Therapy, ultimately, is a humanistic practice, one with many faces and many applications.

I learned early on in my career that the key indicator of successful therapy was simply the connection you have with your client. It actually has little to do with the modalities you employ, how knowledgeable you are on the processes of the brain, and how much research you undertake. It has little-to-no correlation to your years of experience in your role. Ultimately, if your client trusts you and feels understood by you, the therapy will bring about long lasting and positive change. This is precisely why I advise people not to give up when they’ve had a bad therapeutic encounter. It is simply a matter of “you haven’t found the right person yet.”

Part of the connection process, as mentioned earlier, is the ability of a therapist to receive constructive feedback, and their willingness to take this feedback on board. This is exactly why I leave five minutes at the end of every single session to ask my client “what did I do that was helpful for you today, and was there anything you found to be unhelpful?” Asking this question, although making me vulnerable to criticism, provides an invaluable insight into my clients’ needs. Without it, I simply could not continue to hone my craft. I wouldn’t exactly call myself a “super shrink,” but I am pleased to know that I am at least open to establishing the fundamental tenets of successful therapy when I’m in that privileged space with a client.

So, if you’ve had poor prior experiences with mental health support, you have no reason to fear. Just remember that there are no “good” or “bad” therapists out there – just those that you’ll click with, and those you won’t.

It’s like that old saying goes – there’s someone for everyone.