Oftentimes in therapy, I’ll observe a client who is so hyper fixated on their future plans that they ultimately lose track of what they can do in the present to gradually achieve their goals. I have been there myself, and it’s a terrifying place to be.

As humans, we are so often preoccupied with the future that our small and achievable goals become a hazy, blurred, and conflated mess, culminating in a vast and immeasurable super-goal. When we cannot locate the solutions to achieve this overarching super-goal, we often give up trying. Our super-goals are often so immeasurable that we simply have no idea how to start to get to where we want to go. When I decided to become a successful therapist, this was my reality. The problem wasn’t the goal itself – I still aim to be a successful therapist – it was that the goal was immeasurable, and therefore, unattainable. I had no idea how to even define “successful,” let alone how to get there. I also missed a crucial flaw in my plan: that my concept of “successful” was malleable. It would change as I changed. It was unreachable because there would be no end point. When we focus on the future and on achieving our super-goals, we will all at some point reckon with this reality.

So where do we start?

We start by doing a simple calculation, one we learned in our much younger days: adding and subtracting. It is a lifetime skill that is extremely pragmatic and useful when it comes to establishing and reaching goals.  

We take note of the things that are taking from our lives right now, and then add things to our list that will ultimately benefit us. It sounds simple, but it takes an extraordinary amount of self-awareness, discomfort, and discipline. But once we start, we begin to understand: the key to a fulfilling life and the achievement of goals lies in the disciplined process of consistently adding and subtracting. This is the penultimate step to achieving the goals we set for ourselves and should come in the first instance – before anything else. We are effectively determining the roadblocks that might stand in our way, and the support mechanisms that will help guide us in the dark. In other words, we are establishing our stick and our carrot.

Let’s take a look at a common and immeasurable goal as our first example: “I want to be wealthy”

We might add:

Investment in our close personal relationships

Integrating ourselves into close-knit successful working connections

Seeking out people smarter than us to guide us in establishing financial security

Utilising our free time to invest in our mental and physical health

Actively searching for new and better job opportunities

Reading books and attending seminars on healthy wealth accumulation and management

A better sleeping environment

We might subtract:

Eating out three days a week

Working hours beyond our mental and physical capacity (therefore increasing our likelihood of burnout and other mental health problems)

The relentless cycle of caffeine consumption

Using our phones before bedtime

Consuming junk food as a means to improve our short-term energy

Spending money fruitlessly on pointless and meaningless items

Abandoning get-rich-quick schemes found on social media.

We can see here that by the simple process of adding and subtracting around a seemingly immeasurable goal, we have actually broken down the steps to achieve it. No longer are we preoccupied with a mystical and unattainable super-goal, but actually redirecting our focus towards small and attainable objectives. There is no need to even sit down and break the goal down into bite-size pieces – the process of adding and subtracting has already done this for you!

Let’s look at the goal of being happy – another common and unrealistic ideal. Let’s see if adding and subtracting has the same effect.

We add:

Meditation and mindfulness

Working out

Investing in our close personal relationships

Eating healthier

Weekly therapy sessio

We subtract:

Cigarettes (or other vices)

Stimulating devices from our sleeping quarters

Toxic relationships

Mindless eating

Endlessly scrolling on social media

And voila! The same effect! A previously unattainable and immeasurable goal has become small, pragmatic changes that we can start making today. Through the process of adding and subtracting, we have begun the process of achieving our ambitions without becoming bogged-down in the swamp of unattainability. Your additions and subtractions are not stagnant; they will evolve over time, and they are determined by you and by you alone. All it takes is a good helping of self-awareness, a dash of fortitude, a splash of resilience, a seasoning of courage, and a large, hefty chunk of discipline. You can start achieving goals today.

You just have to start adding and subtracting.